When my own parents were hoarders
For years, I have been helping families deal with the clutter and hoarding left by parents who have died or are in care. Little did I expect to have to deal with the same hoarded estate clear-out of my own parents!
My Dad, 103, and Mom, 90, are both entering the advanced stages of dementia, but they have steadfastly refused under any circumstances to be pulled out of their home, even though I had begged them for years to sell their home and move into an assisted living facility. I told them I would gladly fly to Miami, do all of the research and whatever else was needed, drive them around, set up interviews with the nicest places, and leave the decision to them, so they wouldn’t feel out of control. But they would have none of it. I had seen them recently, and their home was livable, if not pristine. However, in mid-January, I received a call from neighbors that both my parents had been placed into Florida Adult Protective Services, based on an anonymous call reporting that they were living in a bad situation! I immediately flew to Miami. When it really hit “home”
Although I was relieved that they had been removed from their home, I was aghast at how bad their home had become since my last visit, seven months prior. The kitchen had rotten food on the counters and in the fridge. There were leftover stacks of junk mail, empty containers everywhere, ants, cockroaches, and a horrible smell throughout the home. My father’s bed was stained with urine and fecal matter. My mother’s nightstand was covered in hundreds of bloody tissues. Their bathroom had mold in both the bathtub and toilet areas. This was a true hoarding estate clean-out (something I had done a hundred times, but never for my own family)!
I was truly shocked and somewhat angered at this condition. I wanted to blame my father for being selfish and not allowing my mother, who can no longer make decisions for herself, to be taken out of this situation, but as a Cuban refugee from the early 1960s, I knew his pride had gotten in the way. When all was said and done, I ended up pulling out 84 thirteen-gallon bags of trash from my parents’ home, deep cleaning the home, making all of the arrangements for their new nursing home facilities, and dealing with the emotional aftermath and anger that would come from my father. I did not care about his anger—I knew what had to be done. Their safety and wellbeing was above all else. I thought back to the many clients I have helped through similar circumstances, and I always thought I truly appreciated exactly what they were going through. But not until I had to cope with the same heart-breaking situation with my own parents did I gain the deepest understanding of the pain, anger, and sorrow of facing the horror of helping loved ones of my own. I had become my own client. Comments are closed.
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AuthorMichelle Quintana Featured Service Information
• Hoarding Clearout Saves More than "Stuff" · Why Clients Hire—and Trust— Clutter&Hoarding Pros · Levels IV & V Clear-Out · Is My Loved One a Hoarder? • After the Clean-Out • Animal Hoarding • Decluttering for the Elderly • What Is a Hoarding Clean- Out? • Hoarding vs. Clutter • Hoarding Help in Orange County • Hoarding Help in LA County • How to Choose a Hoarding Clean-Out Company • Why a Junk-Hauling Service Is NOT What You Need! • Paper, Paper, Everywhere! • Are You a Concerned Third Party? • Estate Clearing for a Loved One—You're Not Alone • Clearing a Hoarded Estate During the Holidays • Where Do You Fit In? • Deep Cleaning a Cleared Estate • "That's okay, we have insurance . . ." • Planning to Sell Your Hoarded Estate? • In-Home Assessment for Hoarding Remediation-- Second Step to Success • Is Your Relative's Home Red-Tagged? • 7 Simple Step to a Successful Estate Sale |